By Jana Monji

Love Hurts is a painful 83-minute action-comedy film that takes two likable Oscar-winning actors, Ke Huy Quan and Ariana DeBose, through their paces but fails to be a cohesive, balanced mix of romance and laughs, spiked with violence. Not even the Goonies reunion between Sean Astin and Quan or the cameo of a certain reality show personality can save Jonathan Eusebio’s directorial debut.

Quan’s Marvin is a successful realtor in his current life. He’s a real people pleaser and modest to a fault. He rides a bicycle to work. He bakes pink cookies to give his clients and his co-workers. When he finally gets to the office after showing homes, he is greeted with both good news and bad news. His boss, Cliff (Sean Astin) gives him a framed certificate that names Marvin “Regional Realtor of the Year.” Yet when Marvin goes inside his office, he’s surprised by a hitman known as The Raven (Mustafa Shakir).

In the past, Marvin worked as a hitman for his brother, Alvin “Knuckles” Gable (Daniel Wu). Marvin betrayed Alvin by letting one of his hits live: Rose (Ariana DeBose). She disappeared for a while but is tired of hiding. She wants her life back.

Rose was Alvin’s accountant and there was some money missing, but the machinations involved other people in Alvin’s organization which is ultimately operates under an unseen Russian crime syndicate. As the film’s tagline notes, “You can’t break up with your past.” Marvin must answer for his betrayal to his brother but Rose can reveal other betrayals by current members high up in Alvin’s associates.

Eusebio has been the fight and stunt coordinator for The Fall Guy, The Matrix Resurrections and John Wick: Chapter 3 – Parabellum. So, as you might expect, as director puts Quan and Wu’s martial arts training to good use. The movements and choreography are dynamic although one wishes there was more screen time and character development between Quan and Wu. There’s one particular usage of a boba straw that falls under the please do not try this at home category. Yet the final fight scenes are less inspired and inventive than the first ones.

The film is not as witty or meta as it could have been given the presence of Astin and reality TV star Drew Scott (Property Brothers), and the exposition is clunky rather than clever. The message candy hearts which figure prominently in the advertising are not given much of a place in the action either. Moreover, to feel the true menace of the Russians, the audience needs to see more of them or at least, feel a greater presence.

Films like Deadpool & Wolverine showed that mixing violence, romance and comedy is possible, but the action has to be well-edited and paced. Eusebio fails to find a good rhythm and doesn’t build a convincing chemistry between Quan’s Marvin and DeBose’s Rose.

My greatest concern is that Love Hurts will hurt chances to see Quan more in leading roles. Everything Everywhere All at Once and Loki showed that he is a good actor and able action star, and there was great romantic chemistry between Michelle Yeoh and Quan. Love Hurts doesn’t work for many reasons, despite the cast being lead by award-winning actors.

Love Hurts opens on 7 February 2025.

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