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By Beth and Deb Liu
Since I was little, my parents assumed I would go to college. There was never a choice to deviate from this path.
I never had anything against going to college, but as a high-anxiety person, the idea of going far away from home always terrified me. That is why I always told people since I was little that I wanted to go to Stanford. It is only a couple miles away from where we live, and we pass it nearly every day. Only later did I realize that Stanford was nearly impossible to get into and frankly, chasing after a school based on location is a very limited way to choose your future-defining education.
You encouraged all of us to go further away from home for college, to explore the world, to find a college whose values and culture we connected with. I started exploring more options as we visited colleges in preparation for my brother’s college application process. A few weeks ago, you dropped him off for his freshman year at Boston College. Then, you and Dad turned your sight onto me and my application journey.
Tiger Mom
We started saving for college for you and your siblings when your brother, Jonathan, was 3 and you were 1. We were not sure where you would end up, but we wanted to make sure you had the best chance possible.
My parents came to America from Hong Kong to attend college. They each applied to one college, got in, and matriculated without ever having set foot in the country. College was always in the plans for your aunt and me. My parents saved up some money, but they told me I needed to go to whichever school was the least costly. I was fortunate to win a full-ride scholarship at Duke, and it was my one chance to leave our hometown and head off to a whole new world.
Your Dad got into Yale, but his parents told him they could not afford to send him there and that he had to attend the University of North Carolina instead. He was devastated. It turned out to be for the best because he had a great experience at
Chapel Hill. Also, if he had gone to Yale, he and I probably would not have met, and you and I would not be writing this column together.
You are fortunate in that you have more choices than your parents and grandparents. We all ended up where we were meant to be, but there was a lot of stress in that process.
Tiger Cub
I feel so privileged to have the opportunity to choose what colleges I want to apply to without having to worry about being placed into crippling student debt. However, I also feel a lot of pressure because of you and Dad. Not only did you go to great undergrads, but you also attended graduate school at Stanford and Harvard.
I am worried about disappointing both of you. Jonathan cut his own path, not even applying to your alma mater. He applied early-decision to Boston College because he loved Boston College’s atmosphere and culture. It was probably also exciting to him that BC was on the other side of the country, though the same can be said for the universities you and Dad attended sans Stanford. Jonathan found a school that fit his ambitions and ideals instead of mindlessly following in your large footsteps.
In contrast, I want to go to some place that is more familiar. While Jonathan didn’t connect with the colleges you attended, I think that they could be a good fit for me. I remember you taking us to Duke and UNC as a child since they are near where Ye-Ye and Nai-Nai (Dad’s parents) lived. I was also raised on stories of Duke and UNC, my daily outfit consists of a Duke or UNC hoodie. But part of me doesn’t want to apply because I may not be accepted. I run the risk of getting rejected at every school I apply to, but it’s different when it comes to schools that you love. It would feel like failing you if I got rejected. I can already envision your disappointment. It is one thing to not apply, but it is another to put myself out there and be turned down. Even though I enjoy playing poker, I’m not interested in gambling on my college applications. At my high-achieving school, college is viewed as something that defines your future. Everything you do is another step you take toward college. I
don’t want to deal with the embarrassment of being rejected from my college choices even as my friends get into their dream schools. Even worse, I spend every night thinking about things I regret and times I have been embarrassed, two things I can already see in my college application-filled future.
Tiger Mom
If you want to live in California for the rest of your life, I would encourage you to go further afield for college. Spread your wings. See the world. We will always have a place for you here.
Jonathan wanted to choose his own path and not follow in our footsteps, which we respected. I remember the night before the Boston College early decisions were coming out. Your dad and I talked about how a little part of us hoped that he would get deferred just so we could see where else he would get into. It turned out he got in, so he withdrew all of his other applications. He seems to be enjoying BC, and so far he is really happy with his choice.
That’s what we want for you too. We want you to find a place where you will grow and learn and find a community that you love. We both found that at Duke and UNC, even though we went there for reasons that had to do mostly with our parents.
Tiger Cub
Now it is all the worse because I wrote this column with you. If I don’t get into a good school after declaring my intentions, it will be so embarrassing. To be honest, I already feel like I’m jinxing things by mentioning some of the colleges I want to apply to. I feel this weight on me every day that I am going to screw up my college prospects if I take one wrong step. I am one bad grade away from being a failure. I am walking a tightrope, I can’t afford to make any mistakes.
Knowing that I will begin writing my applications next summer is terrifying. So, college admissions officers, if you’re reading this article, please accept me into your esteemed institution. I promise that you won’t regret letting this tiger cub in.
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