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by Vanessa Poster
Board Member, Beach Cities Health District
I pray every night. Yup. I do. And I begin with a list of things I’m grateful for, and there is so much. One thing I am very grateful for is the freedom I enjoy as an American. And then, at other times, in conversation with my husband, we talk about where we might go if the antisemites come after us. “Who will hide us in their attics?” we ask.
This is an ambiguity of our times—we enjoy great freedoms yet “hate” can create real fears for our safety.
It seems that no matter how much we grow as a nation, we are still prey to the hatreds, misunderstandings, and general incivilities that fester in our communities. There is a documented rise locally (right here in the South Bay) in antisemitism, Islamophobia, homophobia, racism, and bullying; and globally, in war, starvation, and injustice.
So, when I had the opportunity to represent the Beach Cities Health District on the South Bay Community Coalition Against Hate (SBCCAH), it felt like something meaningful that I could do to help make my community safer.
SBCCAH hopes that the activities of United Against Hate Week (September 21 to 27: find out more (www.bit.ly/southbayvshate) will help all of us to create a better present and plant the seeds for a stronger future.
One activity that we hope might bring these ideas home, literally, are “Conversation Starters” on difficult topics.
So, WHO?
You. Yes, you, Dear Reader, can use your most reliable tools: your brain, your voice and your senses to make a difference, one person, one family, one classroom at a time.
So, HOW?
By talking to people close to you about what you believe in and listening (really listening) to what they believe in, with curiosity and without judgement.
So, WHEN? WHERE?
You can start around the dinner table, or in the car on the way to soccer, or on a walk with the dog. Anywhere that works for you. (This is a good opportunity to turn off all the screens and maybe even cook a healthy meal together at home. See https://www.bchd.org/celebrateworldflavorsmediterraneancuisine)
So, HOW TO START?
A great way to start is to share the “Peace Pledge” with your family (www.stand4peace.org):
- Breathe slowly
- Listen carefully
- Share openly
- Resolve respectfully
Making a joint commitment to these four actions will help everyone regulate their emotions as they talk about topics that might trigger anger, fear, resentment, or misunderstandings.
So, WHAT DO YOU SAY?
When I think about World Peace, I remember Sandra Bullock from Miss Congeniality. As an undercover FBI Agent in a beauty pageant, when asked what she cares about most, her answer is, “Harsher punishments for parole violators, Stan… and… and…World Peace.”
It’s hard to imagine (even if John Lennon asks us to) and even harder to talk about, what it would mean to have a safer, more peaceful world. So, let’s talk about it.
Some thoughts to start the conversation:
- What does “United Against Hate” as a theme for community events evoke for you? Who are you united with? Against what? Do you feel hatred towards anyone? Have you felt hatred from someone?
- What is “Peace”? What could we do to feel more peace in our home? At school? In our community? In our country? In the world? Is there a simple thing each member of our group could do daily or weekly to support each other better?
- Talk about your personal meanings for such words as “Hate,” “Racism,” “Homophobia,” “Antisemitism,” “Islamophobia,” “Sexism,” “Freedom of Speech,” “Diversity.” Where have you seen or experienced any of these things? What do they feel like?
- Together, look at the schedule of activities for United Against Hate Week and decide which event(s) you might attend together (More info: www.bit.ly/southbayvshate):
- A gathering at a Peace Pole (Saturday, September 21, 11:30AM, various locations)
- A community interfaith gathering for LGBTQ+ solidarity (Sunday, September 22, 3PM, Manhattan Beach Community Church)
- A discussion with PFLAG and allcove on supporting school safety through mental health (Tuesday, September 24, 6:30PM, TBD)
- A candlelight vigil in El Segundo (Thursday, September 26, 6PM)
- Collecting food for single moms (various locations)
These questions are a starting point. Allow a conversation to develop. Don’t just wait for your turn to speak, remember to repeat back what you are understanding and listen with curiosity.
You get to decide how deep you’ll go with your questions and what topics are too controversial. However your family votes or prays, improving communication is a goal that supports each of you. Having these conversations will help your kids, your partner, or your friends to build resilience because we can each use each other’s support.
One thing I’ve learned from allcove (the BCHD program for youth mental health: https://www.bchd.org/allcovebeachcities) is that 1 in 12 youth in the beach cities have considered suicide. Talking to your kids and their friends about things that matter increases their social/emotional well-being. We are all experiencing the mental health consequences of COVID as well as discord in politics and in the world… cultivating a conversation about PEACE might just be a small antidote that starts a ripple that builds on and creates PEACE.
As the prayer on the four-sided Peace Poles say:
May Peace be in our Homes.
May Peace be in our Communities.
May Peace be in our Schools.
May Peace Prevail on Earth.
I continue to be grateful for the abundance in my life and the beauty of our beach communities and that gives me hope that outweighs my fears and frustrations. May it do the same for you.
If you feel alone, and/or need any resources to help with managing your family or your life, please call BCHD (310-374-3426) or contact South Bay Families Connected (https://www.southbayfamiliesconnected.org/) for information and referrals.
Other Resources:
https://www.goodwin.edu/enews/no-cell-phone-dinner-table-questions/
https://www.un.org/en/observances/international-day-peace
https://www.niot.org/blog/how-have-meaningful-conversation